So, thinking about life and the choices we make, the things we get to choose from, why we pick one and leave the other, the pain we go through to choose when we have to choose between two things we totally love. Reminds me of the late Papa Yankson’s “S3 ekoto womame na wo yir d3 wo gun so mu a, eb3yi hwana?” literally meaning, if you see your mom and wife drowning in a river, who would you save? This is the case of a lady who is an only child and has to choose between her sick mom and her husband. Sending her story to CASE STUDY on 3FM with Michelle McKinney Hammond and David Papa Bondze-Mbir, the issue read:
I was raised by my mother. I never met my Dad. Everything I am today, my mother’s influence helped shape it. My choice of schools, career, Husband, my mother was a part of each decision making.
That’s why it’s very difficult for me to leave her all by herself. She’s 79 years old, and I am her only child.
I used to employ a qualified nurse and a professional help to attend to her failing health issues, however, my attention was drawn to how they (those I hired) maltreated my mother. They would whip, slap, shout/scream at her, insult and deny her food, leave or lock her all alone in her room – whilst they entertained men in my mother’s house.
I have proof of all these because I have surveillance cameras installed in her house. After talking things through with my husband, concerning my mother’s condition, we agreed on letting her stay with us.
I have been married for Seven (7) years, and I have Two (2) kids. My mother has been staying with us for the past Three (3) years, without any problems, until recently, when my husband started giving me attitude.
He wants my mother out of the house. I have overhead him argue with his mother on phone – explaining why mine is staying with us. She wants to also come over and stay with us.
Dave, I don’t have any problems with my mother-in-law coming over. My issue is, why should she use my mom’s stay to make a point? She’s not sick. All her kids are alive and doing well. They all take care of her. We live in a Four (4) bedroom house. The kids sleep in two, my mom is in the third room.
My husband is insisting I let my sick mother return to her house, so we hire different caretakers to attend to her. I can’t do that. She went through hell when I trusted employees.
My husband of late doesn’t come home early. He doesn’t talk to my mother because she questions why he stays out as late as 12 AM.
He used to not be like that. Now I am also beginning to feel my mother’s presence is causing my husband to change.
I am getting fed up with seeing my mother around the house too. I love her, and would not want her to be left alone, knowing very well she’s not that healthy. She needs her family around, but to whose expense, mine?
I love my husband, and wouldn’t want to be the reason why he changes into something else. I think for the sake of keeping my husband, I may want to keep my mother out of our house.
I am just confused.
What would you do in her case? Would you be ungrateful and let go your mom, who has single handedly catered for you from birth, health, through education and all that you are and have today? In this case she is your mom, she had just you and she is old and sick. Or would you forget your vows and go against your husband whom you have become one because of the vows you shared? Finding yourself in situations like this makes one very sorry for being in this world. The question is: what if you leave your mom and she dies? The guilt that will come with it which you would have to live with for the rest of your life! What if the decision to go with your mom and ignore your husband breaks your marriage? Think about it.
By Roberta Acquah-Imbeah
The writer is a producer for ‘Case Study’ on 3FM